assignment 11

Meeting people online is becoming increasingly more popular and whether or not people believe these relationships will last is constantly questioned. Since I haven’t personally experienced meeting someone online, I chose to write about a couple who found love on the internet. Monica is 24 years old and went online one day in search of finding her prince charming. Almost immediately, two weeks after putting her ad online, someone responded. She describes her relationship with Brian as being wonderful and they “hit it off famously”. They had many things in common and after about a month of conversing online, they began to talk on the phone and send post cards to each-other. Monica soon insisted that they meet in person and that’s exactly what they did. Although her friends described her fascination and obsession with this person they believed to be a complete stranger ridiculous, she replied by saying that he has her heart and they were madly in love with each other. After meeting, their romantic fling “fizzled away” but they are now friends who talk occasionally online. She was in love with him and liked what she saw in person at first. Once they got comfortable with one another, Monica realized Brian wasn’t the man she envisioned him to be. His personality was somewhat more aggressive and less romantic in the FtF setting as opposed to the CMC setting. He also proceeded to tell her that they didn’t know enough about each other to be in love and should remain just friends.

According to the Hyperpersonal model, the negative outcome experienced by Monica is a consequence of five factors. First off, Monica had over developed impressions about Brian due to the lack of cues available online. Brian and Monica were both engaging in selective self presentation and the over attribution process is thus likely to occur. Monica had false hopes about the man she thought she loved and had inflated perceptions of Brian’s charming character he presented himself to be online. Brain forgot to mention that he was married and had three children. Developing a relationship in CMC didn’t work out for Brian as there wasn’t enough opportunities present to really get to know each other. For example, people are not able to see the other person, they cannot analyze their mannerisms, and the availability for all other cues is not present. These reasons are why Brian told Monica that they didn’t really know each other. As stated in class, once a relationship leaves virtuality, there is less control over information sharing which, in this case, lead to “disappointment”.

Monica decided to give online dating another chance. As a result from the previous experience, Monica set guidelines for herself which consisted of not getting involved with anyone who is married, has children, or who is over 30 years old. Although this seems like unproblematic, there is no one controlling whether the other person is telling the truth or not. I guess this would be revealed when they met in a FtF setting. After no time at all, Monica met someone who was just about 2 hours from her home. This time, Monica spoke not only to this new man on the phone but also spoke with a few of his close personal friends before actually meeting in person. The aspect that is most intriguing about the internet is that relationships are developed and based on personality rather than physical appearance. In real life, these concepts are reversed. All in all, when they met in person, Monica described it as “they clicked very well online, but even better offline.” The impression she had of him was almost what she received when they met in person. They are still together and are very happy together.

The theory that supports a positive outcome once a relationship leaves virtuality is Uncertainty Reduction Theory. As described on the slides from class, “the uncertainty process leads to affinity or attraction.” For this theory, there is an entry phase where people are beginning to interact with one another, a personal phase where people are communicating more spontaneously and personally, and then there's the exit phase where people decide whether to keep persueing the relationship. Monica's exit phase had a positive outcome due to increased information and cues. Their uncertainty of one another decreased as time went on, as the more information one knows about the other person, the more "liking" they will have for them. Since real life provides the availability of various cues that are not present in CMC, people are able to get to know one another on a more personal level. And from there, people’s relationships will grow and prosper because of it.

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