11 - A Concert Friend

I don’t consider myself the kind of person who seeks out relationships online, but sometimes it certainly has its benefits. During my freshman year I found out about a concert that my favorite band from home would be playing in Buffalo in a few weeks. First I tried to convince all my friends at school to come with me, but I found this to be unsuccessful since none of them had even heard of the band that was playing. In this case I turned to the bands website, specifically the message boards to meet someone else going to the show.

Eventually I met another college student from another upstate New York school who was also planning to attend the show, and we began to exchange emails. Granted, our mixed mode relationship was a short one, centered around a single event and a single shared interest, in this case a band. But through our email exchanges and then eventual meeting at the concert, we did develop a brief friendship.

I feel the model that most accurately describes my interactions with my new friend is Walther’s Hyperpersonal Model. Over-attribution was certainly an important factor in my views of my new friend. Because I met her in a specific band chat room and soon found out that she would be working the merchandise table for the concert, I thought of her as very into the local music scene. Also, since most of our conversations centered on these things, their importance to both of us surely seemed inflated. Walther’s developmental aspect, which says that over time we would adapt social cues to the verbal channel, did seem to be working as we got to know each other better and better through email. In the end though, a few weeks was not enough to truly get to know each other.

Re-allocation of cognitive resources, focusing ones control on the verbal channel since no others are available online, did have a moderate effect on our interactions, especially since email is an asynchronous form of communication, allowing the sender plenty of time to choose their words carefully. The two most important factors in our interactions, however, were selective self-presentation and behavioral confirmation. Because we had met each other for a specific purpose, we chose to talk mostly about our interests in music, and confirmed this single-minded view of each other with our responses.

When we finally met in person, my new friend was very much as I expected her. In this case, the fact that our meeting occurred under a similar premise to our online communications probably contributed to this. Even in FtF, I noticed that selective self presentation and behavioral confirmation continued because of the focus of our friendship remained towards the unfolding concert.

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