assignmment 11

Back in 8th grade, one of my first boyfriends asked me out over AIM. I had many classes with him, so he had the opportunity to ask me out in person. The fact that he chose to use CMC to communicate with me falls right in line with McKenna’s Relationship Facilitation Factors. One factor is identifiably, which includes the concept of visual anonymity. Visual anonymity can lead to increased private self-awareness as well as decreased public self-awareness. This boy felt more comfortable communicating with me online because he was less aware of how I was viewing him. This led him to behave in a more disinhibited manner, and was able to ask a question that was embarrassing to him (asking me to be his girlfriend).

Another theory that can explain why this boy chose to ask me out over the internet rather than FtF is the Impression Management Model, which shows that people sometimes pick a leaner media for ambiguity. Asking difficult questions is hard to do in person because one has to state and present the question perfectly to get a desired response. If the response is not desired, it is difficult to hide embarrassment and devastation in the form of facial expression. It is much easier online to hide disappointment because only verbal cues that are voluntarily presented are seen by the other person.

In my mind, at the age of 13, I thought he was a big scare-dy cat because he didn’t have the guts to ask me out in person. This was the only thing I was able to base his personality on because I didn’t know who he was prior to this conversation. After our brief AIM convo (that ended in me saying I would think about it, aka no way ever), I created a view of this person. The Hyperpersonal Model describes why my views about this boy were made so quickly. The Hyperpersonal Model states that an over-attribution process will occur in an online texted based space, where there are fewer cues to judge someone with. As a result, you exaggerate those few cues and therefore create generalized beliefs that may not be true. So, after this conversation I didn’t want to go out with this boy because he wasn’t acting tough because he wasn’t able to confront me in person (and I didn’t know him at all). As the weeks went on, I suppose he started getting desperate and began talking to me in classes. I could tell he was shy but he was very persistent at becoming a part of my life. After a few weeks, we actually became friends and I started to see him in a different light. We ended up “going out” for the rest of the school year. This example shows that by meeting someone online, the lack of cues may lead you to falsely identify another. The only way to truly test if you like someone is to meet and interact with them face-to-face.