To sum things up: the article tells the story of Phoenix, Ariz. resident Ric Hoogestraat, a 53 year-old man with an eclectic background. According to the article, Hoogestraat is an avid participant in Linden Labs’ virtual reality game Second Life, in which he controls the character Dutch Hoorenbeek, “a younger, physically enhanced version of him: a biker with a long black ponytail, strong jaw and thick handlebar mustache.” While playing Second Life, Hoogestraat met another character named Tenaj Jackalope, controlled by Canadian widow Janet Spielman. Eventually, the two players became so enamored with each other that they decided to have their characters marry in-game. The catch? Hoogestraat himself is actually married in real life.
Setting aside the interesting question of whether or not Hoogestraat was actually cheating by marrying a woman in Second Life, let’s analyze his relationship with Speilman’s avatar. In terms of physical attraction, games like Second Life provide a perfect opportunity for players to control how others perceive them. Hoogestraat was able to give himself a more youthful appearance, while Speilman’s character looks radically different than herself. (The Journal provides photos if you’re curious; here’s the link again.) This type of interaction space supports the idea that familiarity follows looks, which we would expect from face to face communication more so than in other mediated channels.
Persistent world games like Second Life also allow players to simulate the concept of physical proximity in the game. The game provides locales such as shopping malls and housing complexes for players to congregate in. Then, after two people have met in these large gathering areas, the game allows them to go off and form their own spaces. This keeps the intersection frequency higher that it would be in a more heavily mediated space such as a text-based chat room, thus breeding the attraction between the two players.
The arguments for common ground may be a bit shakier here. Unlike other role-playing games, Second Life does not provide natural lines of segregation of the player base along lines of similar interest (e.g. into character classes or guilds). The fact that both Hoogestraat and Speilman were online looking for socialization in this world may constitute some sort of common ground that facilitated their common bond.
The role of disinhibition is clearly important in this relationship. This quote from the article underlines the great degree of self-disclosure that Hoogestraat and Speilman shared:
"There's a huge trust between us," says Ms. Spielman, a divorced mother of two who works in office sales in Calgary, Alberta, and began logging on to Second Life in January. "We'll tell each other everything."Just as any real-life marriage (at least in theory) must be built on such self-disclosure, Hoogestraat and Speilman’s virtual marriage was certainly built on the same thing, even if the selves being disclosed may not have been entirely honest.
The question raised by the article’s headline is worth considering: in a simulated reality, where does the character’s persona stop and the player’s persona begin? According to the Journal, Hoogestraat rationalized his virtual relationship to his wife with the brusque statement, “it’s just a game.” The article mentions that neither of the two had any plans to ever meet in real life, so we would expect a high degree of deception here. Considering this, the level of openness is somewhat startling. Claiming infidelity would be much easier if we were talking about a relationship between a real-life married man and a real-life woman, but the presence of the online personas complicates matters here. What’s your verdict here?
Comments:
11 comments:
Although adultery is generally characterized as having physical relations with another person, I tend to think that romantic, emotional attachment qualifies equally well. In a case like this, it’s obvious that Hoogestraat no longer cares for his real world wife, and instead, feels much closer and perhaps freer with his Second Life wife. The later two communicate more, do activities together, pay attention to each other, while Hoogestraat’s real wife has issues getting her husband to eat breakfast. You bring up a good point when you say that the game allows Hoogestraat to interact with his online spouse on a more frequent and deeper level than any chat room could ever hope to achieve. Anyone can say that it’s just a game, but if a chance encounter at the grocery store can lead to romance, who says that it can’t happen with Second Life? Just because it was meant to be a game doesn’t mean that it isn’t a meaningful relationship – or that it isn’t cheating.
Hey Chris,
I’m going to have to agree with Thomas on the idea that physical attraction to a man/woman other than your spouse is not the only factor that constitutes adultery. Emotional attachment to another person is also a very big deal, especially on the woman’s end of things (something I learned in social psych last year). I feel that Hoogestraat has surpassed the boundary that makes Second Life just a game. It seems that he began playing this game in search of some kind of social/emotional outlet…one that he could not (or could no longer) find in his current wife or current social situation.
I really like your analysis of this story. The story itself brings up a scary concept, that someday all of our face to face interpersonal interactions (especially those with our significant others) may be replaced by CMC and less rich media. I don’t really think I’d be okay with that. How about yourself?
Great post!
-Kristie
Wallace’s disinhibition effect probably also explains why Hoogestraat‘s relationship with Jackalope developed as deeply as it did. Because he did not believe that he was ever going to meet this woman (it was a game after all, and he’s still married) he may have been much more outgoing in Second Life. He would also have been much more likely to disclose personal details and this self-disclosure probably made the relationship stronger and is what leads him to continue it.
I've seen this article as well and found it very intriguing. Second Life tries to make CMC seem like ftf with a customizable avatar and many real life events. Almost anything you can do in real life, you can do in second life. However unlike ftf it is actually a lean medium which could facilitate deception under theories like social distance. A relationship that works in second life could easily fail in real life do to self presentation tactics that are employed in the game. You made a good statement by pointing out how Janet doesn't look anything like her character, while Hoogeestraat's character is a much younger idealized version of himself. I would have to say people choose to show their ideal self in second life. At the current time the events that happen in second life are considered real, but a game that even has real currency could soon become the most realistic rich medium for CMC. One day second life marriages could count as marriage in ftf as well. Great post!
I would agree that Hoogestraat's emotional attachment to this woman other than his wife isn't right, but I don't necessarily think its cheating. I think that Ric's in-game persona is definitely different than the personality that made his real life wife want to marry him. I think it's important for people to recognize that no matter what, the game is still just a simulated world. If Ric and his online wife have had cyber sex I would say that that is cheating, but as it stands I don't see very much in this relationship. The fact that Ric hasn't sought to meet his online wife in real life is one reason why I find the relationship meaningless. The marriage has no real world context because it involves two avatars that are really nothing more than fictional characters. If Ric's having an online wife can be considered cheating, than is Janet, who is single in real life, cheating on Ric if she becomes involved with someone in real life?
Eric
WOW! That's pretty shocking that people would go as far as marrying on Second Life. It made me think of facebook marriages at first. However, those "relationships" are purely nominal and often used in jest. In Second Life, I would assume the marriage requires actions from the characters. They probably interact more, travel in Second Life together, and literally act like a married coupld in the cyber world. I would consider this as cheating because it requires the emotional relationship as in real life. The missing physical part is minimal. It's just an excuse to not get caught by cheating in Second Life, but the desire to be close to another significant other is still there. You were right on your analysis. They were defintely looking for common ground and reacting to the law of attraction. The fact that she said they can tell each other everything and trust one another proves it. She does not really know everything about her "husband," but the proportion of things is high because of selective self-presentation.
Hey Chris,
I, too, have read this article before on the WSJ and found it quite intriguing how a typically harmless online game is now being used as an outlet to provide “real” emotional fulfillment that cannot be fulfilled in one’s own life. As mentioned in class and in the comments above, I too agree that even though these online relationships may seem harmless and platonic because they occur over a virtual CMC medium, they are not. The emotional attachment that is involved in these relationships are as real as they could possibly be in FtF relationships that we foster in real life. Hence, if a person would rather spend all of his time living in Second Life with his virtual wife than with his real wife, there is a serious amount of involvement and attachment involved that would classify his relationship as an affair that has broken the trust and bond with his real wife. Great post!
Hey! I too have read this article on WSJ and found it intriguing to say the least. I feel that although an online relationship as Hoogestratt's and Jackalope's may not be classified as blatant cheating, I feel that that the fact that he is engrossed in this second life world for a major portion of the day is definitely hurtful to the relationship he shares with his real wife. The moment Hoogestratt cannot identify and emotionally connect with his wife, and rather the day he turns to the avatar in the toughest of times, we will know that Hoogestrat's and his real wife's relationship has just been reduced to a name. If no emotional bond there exists, then I feel that the relationship just exists because of some vows they took that titled them husband and wife. Where exactly is this technologically escalating world we call home, heading?
Very interesting. I do agree that the emotional investment this man has made in the game is strange, and that it verges on inappropriate, but I don't think I'd go so far as to consider it cheating. Since when have deep emotional connections been limited to spousal relations? Are married people not allowed to have close friends of the opposite gender whom they can confide in?
My opinion is that, as long as these two people don't actually meet, there is nothing immoral going on here. To me this just looks like a really good friendship.
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