When I officially decided I was going to Cornell, I sent an AIM message to Joe, as I’ll call him, to let him know. He also decided on Cornell, so we spent the summer getting to know each other better through AIM and Facebook. In The Psychology of the Internet by Wallace, Wallace outlines four attraction factors that contribute to the formation interpersonal relationships on the internet. The first, physical attractiveness, does not apply in an online context for my situation. Although I found Joe physically attractive in an f2f setting, Wallace believes the online sequence of attractiveness is reversed because you cannot actually see the person. Instead you rely on their textual clues and build upon them.
Wallace’s other three attraction factors, which include proximity, common ground, and disinhibition, all apply to my CMC interactions with Joe. Proximity states that relationships will grow when people intersect at the same online spaces. With Joe, I saw him often on my buddy list whenever he signed on. After I talked him through the steps to creating a Facebook profile, I often saw him signed onto the site as well. Next, common ground includes beliefs, opinions, and interests that are mutually shared. Wallace includes in this factor that those with whom you share common ground will be more attractive to you. Joe and I were both Cornell communication majors, and we found we had a deep obsession for the same band. The last factor, disinhibition, is an extension of the fact that online anonymity leads to increased self-disclosure. During that summer, we spent many nights talking online about our hopes, dreams, and fears for the upcoming year even though we barely knew each other.
I’m pleased to say that Joe and I are still best friends. Through proximity, common ground, and disinhibition, we developed our relationship online and continue to find new dimensions to this day in a f2f setting.
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5 comments:
Great post! I think it’s very interesting that although you and Joe met briefly in person, you were able to turn that into a close friendship just through computer mediated communication. It seems that you experienced kind of a “stranger in the crowd effect”. You two were identifiable to each other (through Facebook and IMs, etc), which increased you self-disclosure, which then helped develop your relationship. I also think your situation is a great example of Joinson’s idea of visual anonymity. Since you guys couldn’t see each other during all of your phone, IM, and Facebook conversations, you experienced increased private self-awareness. Since you were able to reflect more on yourselves, this seems to have led to much self-disclosure. Like you said, you spent many nights talking about your hopes, dreams, and fears for the upcoming year. Chances are, you and Joe wouldn’t have revealed such intimate details to each other so readily if you were speaking face to face. Although you may have eventually, your self-disclosure and relationship development would probably have taken much longer! Thanks for sharing this story with us!
Hi you!
First of all, I want to say that your story is so interesting! Besides it being a great post, the way you and “Joe” got along so well is so cute!
I think your situation could also be described by McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, especially identifiability. It seems that both yours and Joes identifiable characteristics lead to an increase in self-disclosure, and thus, an increase in relationship development. CMC in general has high levels of self-disclosure, and yours and Joes relationship seems to fit this theory.
Moreover, I would be interested to see how your relationship with Joe would have differed had you not found him physically attractive. Would the removal of this gating feature have facilitated your relationship even further?
Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more!
One thing I would consider is how starting off in a ftf setting alters the attraction theories of Wallace and Mckenna. One important part of Wallace is that you don't have access to a persons appearance and thus you are forced to get to know them better before making any judgment. However when you meet in person first you can clearly make as many judgments as you'd like. Do you feel that by seeing him in person first, and making a judgment that he was somewhat physically attractive help mediate starting a cmc relationship? Also what factors from Mckenna's theory do you think applied most to you. From your description it appears that connecting with similar others and interactional controls played a major role. Good post!
From reading many of the posts for this assignment, I've noticed a common thread. Almost all relationships described as computer mediated started in the face to face world, or through a mutual friend in the face to face world. Despite all the profiles and online interactions, we as a generation don't seem to have fully accepted the idea of meeting people online.
What's interesting is how much faith we put in our own abilities to assess people in face to face interactions. After meeting someone for a very short time, you exchanged information and ultimately decided to contact Joe. This seems to be fairly common based on other people's posts. Part of this decision might relate to the fact that you would soon be going off to college and Joe would give you at least one close friend when you arrived. I too am still friends with people I met at Cornell Days, as these were the only people I knew when I arrived.
I enjoyed reading your post. It is nice that you were able to meet someone going into your major during Cornell Days. I wonder if your relationship with him would have continued in the same way online had one of you chose to go to a different university. Do you think the fact that you knew you would be in classes together and be able to see each other FtF made you two more interested in talking online? I had a similar experience in high school, but in a FtF environment. I found out that another girl from my huge (over 1100 in my grad. class) was going to Cornell. Even though we were never really friends before, we started talking about going to Cornell and are still close friends to this day.
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