Assignment 3: Option 1: As an old lady...

Because of such a positive response from last weeks post, I decided to stick to the college confidential forum. However, this time, I was not merely a college student, but rather I pretended to be a 50 year old lady. It sounds pretty bizarre- I mean you have a lady of 50 amidst a discussion board dominated by 15-16 year olds. But regardless, it was very interesting. My initial impressions of most of the students on the forum were that they were too full of themselves. Subjects as “Chancemeplzzzzzz...Chances for Harvard? I faill” followed by nearly perfect stats and an abundance of extracurricular activities validated my impressions. Furthermore, after reading the following post, I stopped to think whether societal pressures are stripping us of our youth.

Harvard Discussion Forum

Subject: I don't know wat to do

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Hey guys,
I have just started my freshman year in HS and I am Super Uber stressed out about what classes I should take.

I dropped PE for martial arts. I am doing Honors English, Honors Global Studies, Honors Geometry, pretty much all honors for freshman.

I am doing Debate because someone told me schools on the east like debate alot, like harvard.

I am also taking Biology, because it was a recommended course for students hoping to get into a competitive school.

I will join the Golf team, and possibly the tennis and baseball team.

I may join the Civics club, and I am a part of the club Interact. Interact does volunteer work all over the city.

I volunteer at my local library for hours.

I took the SAT II as an 8th grader, because I am part of a special program called John Hopkins Talent search, and scored a 1300, which is horrible.

I really need to know pretty much EXACTLY what I have to do.

After reading the post, my initial response was “chill out kid!” All the activities the child is involved with are those that are mandated by society. There is no clear formula to get into Harvard. On the topic of colleges, why Harvard for that matter? The child is in 8^th grade, he just graduated JHS, and Harvard is probably the only good school he has heard of. There are tons of other great schools out there, those of which may be a far better match for him/her. Furthermore, doing X because he said, and doing y because she said just to get to point z is bizarre! Whatever happened to, taking part in something you have an utter interest in? At the end of the day, those who absolutely love what they do are most successful at it.

After reading many stats driven posts, I decided to impart some advice as a 50 year old woman. Managing my impression was quite a challenge. I was this 50 year old woman who was trying to impart advice to 16 year olds who saw only HPS (the shorthand form used on collegeconfidential for Harvard, Princeton, Stanford).

Now let’s look at the college confidential space in relation to Goffman and Jung’s notion of “possible selves.”

• Ideal self- contains the qualities we strive to possess.
• Ought self- who we think we should be
• Actual self- qualities we express at present
• True self- inner-self that has not yet been fully expressed.

As a collegeconfidential student, I feel that the first three “possible selves” mask the 3^rd and most important self. The first three are guided by wanting to be perfect. Perfect at this point in time for many students is HPS.

As a 50 year old woman with a husband and 3 daughers, you get to know that life’s purpose is to address the last “possible self” or true self. As someone guided by Buddhist philosophy, my inner-self hopes to attain a lasting state of happiness, that which is possible only through inner peace. Inner peace is possible through compassion. Most of our troubles are due to our desire for our own self-interests. How do we regulate these poisons? Compassion! When you have compassion for a very poor person, you are showing sympathy because he or she is poor; your compassion is based on altruistic considerations. Love towards your wife, your husband, your children, or a close friend is usually based on attachment. When your attachment changes, your kindness also changes; it may disappear. This is not true love. Real love is not based on attachment, but on altruism. This type of compassion is what we must strive to cultivate in ourselves.

That is basically what I am trying to achieve as a 50 year old, quite different from what the 16 year olds on collegeconfidential are trying to achieve. There is no question that such introspection comes with age, but regardless, this is the inner peace we all must strive for, and it begins with doing things because you are interested in them. Only then will rid yourself of the stresses society mandates upon you. From thereon, you will be able to branch outside yourself, and look to those around you. This is key!

· Self Description: As I was instant messaging the writer of the previous post, I was explaining to him what I discussed earlier. I had to be very careful, because a 16 year old at this age is very headstrong and does not want to hear philosophical fluff. Because I was a 50 year old, way beyond his time, it was essential for me to build my credibility. I said that I graduated summa cum lade from Cornell University and went on to pursue a masters in Applied Mathematics from Princeton University. Thereafter, I worked for sometime and then pursued an MBA from Harvard University. Establishing this strong educational background was the key because top universities appeal to such a kid. After establishing a strong basis for credibility (self-description), I began to speak to the kid about his activities outside school. He went on about how he was involved in a thousand sports because that’s what college’s like to see- involvement. I told him that in JHS I was on the JV soccer team and in HS I was on the varsity team. My involvement with that one activity defined my life. I told him how soccer helped me through the toughest times in my life. It is commitment that colleges seek, not loose involvement. After establishing that I did something outside academics (in the sports realm, specifically), I showed that I was a more personable, not excessive academic driven character.

· Social Association: I began to associate myself with some of the big names kids his age would be familiar with: Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. That definitely gave me more credibility.

After these non-verbial self-presentation tactics added to my credibility, I began my discussion on the deeper meaning to life, and the quest for the inner-self. I was careful not to paint a picture as someone dropping studies all together to pursue the meaning of life. Rather, I tied my schooling (at great institutions- college confidential students love that stuff) to my passion for what I do. This is what got the kid to think. He began to tell me of his passion, his interests, etc. I was merely guiding him to pursue and excel at them. He had a passion for drawing, so from there on, we were talking about his prospects in architecture and urban planning. We then spoke about the “real” college process, and how a applicant who does things just because he has to is transparent in his application.

Overall, this was a great experience. I was able to delve into the “possible selves” notion- from both a high school student’s perspective, and from an older, wiser person’s perspective. Furthermore, the self-presentational tactics of mainly self-description and social association definitely gave me the credibility to talk to a 16 year old about matters relevant to him, which otherwise would not have been possible.

Relating this to Sullivan’s Impression Management Model, I used my AIM and forum communications technology to convey myself in a certain manner. Although I was very clear in my self-description- i.e. schools I attended, my personal background (50 year old woman with husband and three daughters), sports I played etc, I still practiced deception. Deception is an everyday strategy, without which, my discussion with the 16 year old would probably not have taken place.

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